I haven't written here partly because I liked my last post. I left you on joy. And partly because I've been busy. And partly because I feel like I keep saying the same things over and over again. 1. Events happen or don't happen or I choose x, y or z and cause events then I feel or think...(fill in the blank here). 2. God is aware of these events or caused these events and feels or thinks (fill in the blank here). Its almost comical.
I'm still working on my novel but these last few weeks my characters feel like a comic book creation and the story seems flat and two dimensional. I'm not saying these things are true its just how I feel about them right now (See premise 1). I struggle with some sin or other and then go back to Jesus about it after I've tired of the wrestling and quicksand of it then decide to pick up my cross and sacrifice the sin to God. I do this repeatedly. I visit friends. I visit family. I call or don't call friends or family. I get cabin fever. I crave adventure and freedom but stay dutifully at home, pet the cat and go to work. I desire to paint or write or kiss my husband all with the passion of a hurricane. So far I can't seem to write or paint. I did sit and draw whatever was in my minds eye the other night and came up with a twisted hand. I have strange dreams and find that I can interpret them lately. I get bored, I get somber, I laugh about the weather. I read the book of James and drank its spirit. Life moves at the pace of growing trees or melting snow or spilt shadows and it still seems to be moving too quickly. I miss Karma and coffee with Bob. I miss Amanda's singing. I want to make Kim laugh and my brother peaceful. My father knows God. And angels worship. I feel broken down and beautiful. I feel like I'm re-enacting a play I forgot my lines to.
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2 comments:
It really isn't the same stuff over and over. Every time you land, it is a different perspective on life and I for one, love to hear about what it looks like through your eyes.
Thanks for sharing.
Love peace and hugs
I loved your last post, too. But please be assured of this: one response I have never experienced after reading your writing is "Oh, that's just K.L. saying her same old stuff over and over again." Never. But I know the feeling. And I have intimate, first hand knowledge of the Repeatedly Syndrome. I notice you didn't include "kiss my husband" when you admitted you couldn't write or paint (so far). Perhaps kissing your husband with the passion of a hurricane is enough for the moment. Your metaphor for uncertainty pierced my heart "I feel like I'm reinacting a play I forgot my lines to." The beauty of your words is that you write about common feelings in an uncommon way, bringing light and clarity and hope. Thanks for writing again. You make me feel connected. Love, Nancy
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