Upswing

I cannot seem to stop singing while these winter days usher me towards spring and somehow praise rushes up and escapes from within the deepest recesses of my heart. I’ll be driving along in the car with my hands upon the wheel on cold bitter evenings and I’ll feel so alive and thankful and beautiful because I know God and I know God knows me. I’ll hum in the shower. At work I’ll want to sing out loud my own made up words in my own elegant tones even though I don’t because it’s the office. I have this light uplifting quality to my voice it’s not as rustic as it used to be. I feel as if I’m still trying to discover it. There seems to be a candle lit of joy inside me that’s lasting that I’m not able to contain. I cannot contain Christ no man can. I think how odd all this is in the world working when I want to praise, when in heaven won’t I want to just stop and praise him as my one singular purpose? He is my God and I am his people. I asked the Lord when I die and see him for the very first time with the scars upon his palms won’t I fall at the feet of Jesus and mingle my tears upon his transformed flesh. I’d take hold of his ankles and lay so still to the finer things of heaven till I’ve seen him for myself. I’d say what a strange dream my life was and how if ever I knew what home was, I certainly never knew it till now. And my life and all my grandiose dreams seem so fleeting in the eyes of Christ. Maybe I’m already doing what I was meant to do. Mother Theresa said something to the affect of there are no great things to accomplish in this life only small things with great love. I've had that mingled in my thoughts every day. So my prayers and this blog and my warm coat on a cold blustery day and kissing my husband goodnight are all a part of my double portion and blessing in this life and yours as well. I still dream of water and (I’m drowning in the ocean of God’s love) without even comprehending it. That’s a line from the David Crowder Band but that doesn’t make it any less true of the way that I feel about it. And on the news a young boy dowsed with kerosene and lit on fire by angered bullies and there is a mountain in Alabama where a city lies in the grip of a meth addicted community they call it “meth mountain” and leprosy still prevails in third world countries that can’t afford penicillin. And a young man loses twenty pounds in three months eating every three days because he shoots up coke ten times a day. My dreams of joy and God unfold in a world that’s dying. Maybe that small smile to a stranger, that reflection of Christ’s good will and mercy and joy and grace I attend to in life will manifest something of immeasurable importance to someone in need. You never know what people have gone through. I find it terribly strange the world and the spirit of God intermingled. He could have left us here on this violently struck island and yet he rests here still. He waits for us to bring him our brokenness and welcomes the muddied embrace. I remind myself that love is the nature of God. I remind myself that God is what remains.