It seems I've been neglecting my blog lately. The cup of joy I drink from in this life is overflowing this last week. God only ever gives us anything that's good so...hear me worship in my steps and in the air rushing into song from my lungs and in the words I write down here.
Saturday we took Karma's sons to Cincinnati. We spent the day by the shimmering river. We went to the aquarium and pet sharks and ate cheeseburgers at Johnny Rockets then walked across the height of the bridge to a red's game. Their first baseball game where they watched the fireworks burst from 2 home runs. We drove home late and sung them modern lullaby's off the radio regarding fireflies and mountains climbed,while they slept in the car. It was a beautiful day. There were football cards and church and playing tag around the kitchen table. I sent my mother a string of pearls in the mail for her birthday and when she called me there was a tender trembling note of beauty in her voice that I'd never heard before. I wrote Karma's mother a long letter with a few gifts wanting to give her something beautiful to hold within her hands though I know my words moved her more. When I went to my viola lesson my teacher said that I was so in tune with the instrument that I was making it sing. I took Kim out to a fancy dinner with white table cloths and soft white light while we plotted out a novel about time travel on our table top. Michele wants to take me to see Chihully later this month and a camping trip is on the horizon with God loving and highly creative friends. I'm reading Larie R. King's O Jerusalem before I mail it to my father to read. He sent me a card with one of my favorite paintings by Monet on it. There was also the waitress I gave a ridiculous tip to and told her manager how wonderful she was. There has been rain this week but not in my heart.
K.L. Knight
Wednesday, September 23, 2009
Wednesday, September 2, 2009
Steps....
Last night,
Restless and wrestling with the need for sleep and food but found I wanted to pray more. I let the tiredness drift down off of me. The stars were out and I mingled with them in the parking lot on the way to church. My footfalls leading me through quiet hallways. It's late but I don't care knowing the doors are still open. I slip into a room and flop onto the couch, long legs leaning and arms folded across my chest. Eyes closed not in sleep but in the awakening of my tired soul. There are other voices mingled in the hushed soft tones of prayer in the next room. The lamp light bends the darkness away from us. I pour it all out. My words drenched in my heart and I'm letting God in on what he already knows. It doesn't matter...at least I'm talking and thats what has the most meaning to him. My fear is that I've planted seeds of bitterness somewhere deep down. I can't seem to uproot it all on my own. I need God. It comes out in ways that God would notice. I am fearfully and wonderfully made but my doubts and fears tend to crush me, bring me low and tangle me up. I need God's tending the gentle hands of a gardner who knows how not to trample young vines. There is no life in me left for the I love you's and joys and encouraging spirit that I should have made more plentiful in my life. My soul stilled. Finding a peacefulness I had forgotten. I listen. The clock keeps ticking. A question arises in the back of my mind "How many days left for me to worship here?". We only have so many days left...it makes me thankful and helps me to understand Daniels passion a little more. I think Daniel understood. Life is a cornhusk. A season. Restore my soul giver of gifts. Furrow the hard ground and bring me back to life.
Restless and wrestling with the need for sleep and food but found I wanted to pray more. I let the tiredness drift down off of me. The stars were out and I mingled with them in the parking lot on the way to church. My footfalls leading me through quiet hallways. It's late but I don't care knowing the doors are still open. I slip into a room and flop onto the couch, long legs leaning and arms folded across my chest. Eyes closed not in sleep but in the awakening of my tired soul. There are other voices mingled in the hushed soft tones of prayer in the next room. The lamp light bends the darkness away from us. I pour it all out. My words drenched in my heart and I'm letting God in on what he already knows. It doesn't matter...at least I'm talking and thats what has the most meaning to him. My fear is that I've planted seeds of bitterness somewhere deep down. I can't seem to uproot it all on my own. I need God. It comes out in ways that God would notice. I am fearfully and wonderfully made but my doubts and fears tend to crush me, bring me low and tangle me up. I need God's tending the gentle hands of a gardner who knows how not to trample young vines. There is no life in me left for the I love you's and joys and encouraging spirit that I should have made more plentiful in my life. My soul stilled. Finding a peacefulness I had forgotten. I listen. The clock keeps ticking. A question arises in the back of my mind "How many days left for me to worship here?". We only have so many days left...it makes me thankful and helps me to understand Daniels passion a little more. I think Daniel understood. Life is a cornhusk. A season. Restore my soul giver of gifts. Furrow the hard ground and bring me back to life.
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