If you fell into my heart...

If you took a step inside my heart...and felt what I felt as if you were pulling on a fancy wool coat...you'd have this strange and akward lightness all the time. It almost seems like I'm not grounded or walking inches above the earth. As if touching the ground would give me such a hard stumbeling fall. Its extremly difficult to articulate this new lightness and this new part of me. It frightens me a little. It's an effort to focus on food and getting dressed and talking sometimes. When Michael Jackson died I wondered if anyone thought about the starving child in India but that is a side note. So the lightness is akward and I talk to God about it when I'm walking by the river thinking about Jesus walking on water and if it felt light underneath his feet. Its just plain weird and part of it makes me want to cry for some odd reason and I don't know why. I keep hearing violins playing beautiful arpegios and my dreams are a jumble. But I feel more grounded when I'm reading. Its like I was holding onto something so long so tightly and now its not there anymore. What do I do with the open hands? I sat down at a coffee shop and it took me an hour to write "The black hole was a hushed maddness in his mind." Writing line by line takes an effort I don't know if I have the patience for. My creativity is coming back but in these little intense spurts. The next time I see Jules I'm going to visit her fields and at least say hello to them.